You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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