Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
