you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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