Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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