went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
