life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
