I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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