the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
