NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
