Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
