Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
