We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
