Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
