..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hippo gnu deer
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
