Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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