Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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