Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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