that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
