If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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