If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
