yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
