I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
