YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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