to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
