I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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