we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
