that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
