in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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