well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
