Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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