i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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