I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
