Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
