never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you have to choose: penises or morals?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
