There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
