i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
