I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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