Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
a search helicopter?!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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