Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We got so high we made milksteak
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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