im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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