So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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