Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
