She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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