this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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