She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
