I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He had one of those small greek statue penises
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
