Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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