Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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