Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
