Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
