I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
