I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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