You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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