Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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