i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
